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  • Writer's pictureJoe Lyons

Two Pigs Go “On The Ham”

Two Pigs Go “On The Ham”

Ashland Police Division Officers were assisting farmers in recovering two pigs from US 250 bypass, around noon today.

The pair of pigs, who were in route to the market, but escaped, after the unit that they were being held in appeared to have a malfunction. The pigs apparently were making a YouTube video on “Audit the Police.”

The pigs who were later identified as Wilber Sweinstein, AKA “Sam the Ham” & Chris P. Bacon, AKA “Tommy Hilpigger,” both from Ashland County, repeatedly grunted, “Am I being detained?” “Can I have your Name and Badge number?” and squealed, “I know my rights!”

One Officer had to go hands-on, after Chris P. Bacon attempted “a pork chop.”

Police were trying to assist the pair of swine back home, but due to their being pig- headed and resisting arrest, they were ultimately charged with the following: Escape, Fleeing and Eluding, Resisting Arrest, and Disorderly Conduct.

EMS were called to the scene to check for a pulled ham string on Sweinstein, with a quick treatment of Oinkment, Wilbur was transported by the Hambulence for medical care.

“After being out “on the ham,” snorted Wilber, “our family members posted bond with the bacon that Porky brought home.”

After being released, both went hog-wild, squealing wee…. Wee…. Wee…. all the way home.

Chris P Bacon’s father grunted, “Well, Chris P. has always been a ham!”


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